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[17 Apr 2005|10:51pm]

Book Meme
1. List the first line(s) of 10 books you really like.
2. And then you all can guess.

So here are my 10:

1.The fire had gone out and I didn't know what to do.

2.I, Mary George Murphy, was at the end of my rope. And then it broke.

3.Once, when I was six years old I saw a magnificent picture in a book, call Ture Stories from Nature, about the primeval forest.

4. Who am I? And how, I wonder, will this story end?

5. There was death at its beginning as there would be death again at its end.

6.Fom the crumpled bed the wife said. "I think today's the day. Look how low I've gone."

*edit* 7.Scarlette Thomas has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. *Dusty got this one It's Someone Like You*

8."Move!" bawled the drill corpal. "Come on, speed it up!"

9.Stella had been prepared for her husbands death.

10.When we first bought our brightly colored macaw direct from the steaming jungles of South America in late September of 1982, my wife Cindy and I named him Cesar, after Cesar Romero, the handsom Latin American movie actor famous for his smooth sauve speaking voice.

guess guys GUESS!!!!!

2 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

[26 Mar 2005|11:02am]
my journal is becoming friends only. If you want to be added comment.
7 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

fuck [30 Dec 2003|01:50pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

ok im super pissed off right now and im going to yell... quinn quit leaving Anonymous fucking posts and when you do fucking leave your name. i know its you its obvious and please quit saying you love me because you dont, i was just the first girl who dated you you dont love me so quit thinking you do... thanks.
azim quit thinking your a bad ass because you arent. you think your all bad but your not, quit cussing and telling people off because your going get your ass kicked. just a fair warning.
azim and quinn both of you quit changing. you were fine the way you both used to be.
azim you cant go from rap to manson in one fucking day ok? and quinn i liked you the way you were before, i dont give a shit if your outgoing, because changing yourself wont impress me it will make me hate you ok?

thats about it, that was just annoying me, i dont care if they get mad at me. i dont care about anything anymore

7 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

no sleep [29 Dec 2003|09:42am]
[ mood | dead ]

no sleep...i havent slept in twenty-four hours...a little over...i washed dishes last night and watched the whole 5th season of friends...i cleaned up this morning and now it is only almost 10 and i have no idea what to do all day... i wanna go to the mall... should i? i think i should but i would have to ride the bus up there and do all that jazz.... i want a cig...i have two left...pooo....from when niquea gave them too me...yumm...i still have to get cleaned up though...blah i have no idea what im going to do when i get my lazy ass up off this chair and actually make myself useful or something... i need to walk my dog... she needs to be walked.. she is depressed...do i really bring everything down...fuck i cant type...i think ill go take more quizes....some one shoot me while i still have some life left....
maybe later...bye

Kiss me

a quiz thing i think [29 Dec 2003|05:39am]
[ mood | and tired ]

hair: blonde fading to like a lightish brown with some black and dark blonde streaks
height: 5'5"
clothing: pants, mostly cuts offs, baggy mostly not too tight, shirts that are smalls but not tight, umm fishnet, knee high sockseither my knee high boots or my cons..or my vans...umm thats it i think, besides my plastic braclets and my charm braclet and umm a spikey one and ummmmm my mardi gras beads, thats it i think
music: manson, three days grace, movie soundtracts, blink 182... umm lots more i dunno i cant think right now it is 5:44 and i havent slept since like 8 a.m yesterday
bodyart: black eye liner and black eye shadow
wearing: my jack jean jacket, my minnie mouse shirt, my plaid boxers, was a plaid skirt but i had to be comfy, and thigh high striped socks...
listening to: the fifth season of friends
thinking of: lets see, sean and how much i like him, how i really need sleep but my foot is pounding because it hurts so bad, how i havent seen my dad since christmas eve, how i hate when people touch me yet i long to be held, how i need to dye my hair and how i want to be hot... how i need to countinue this quiz
bought: A movie ticket.
read: hmmm lets see, technically it was the question im answering, butif in reference to a book it was remember me 2 which is a horrid book i might add.
watched on tv: the 5th season of friends
club or houseparty: i have no idea house party probably
tea or coffee: tea
achiever or slacker: slacker
beer or cider: Cider.
cats or dogs: Cats.
pen or pencil: Pen.
gloves or mittens: Gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: Coke
matches or a lighter: lighter
Rickie lake or oprah winfrey: neither thanks.
kill: homophobes, umm noone else really, people who lable people
hear from: sean, jamie, anyone.
be like: noone, myself, i am me and i like it this way
you talked to: emily, before shes fell asleep
you hugged: i honestly have noidea, matt i assume, my dear brother
you instant messaged: aly carter, my valentine
you kissed: hmm michael, wow, that sucks.
who broke your heart: michael, heart broken, duct tape fixed it. im better
eat: microwave, mcdonalds, taco bell
dance: nowhere,
cry: in my room, on the balcony, in this chair, with noone watching
wish you were: with sean, talking laughing, wishing he was mine.
Dated one of your best friends? yea
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yea
Drank alcohol? oh yea, i wish it was how it used to be...
Done drugs? yes...
Broken the law? yes...
Ran away from home? to sallys. i left a note. does that count.
Broken a bone? no, my finger, thats it
Cheated on a test? Yes.
Skinny dipped? Yes.
Flashed someone? yea....bleh on them, they must be blind.
Mooned Someone? no
Kissed someone you didn't know? yes, thats how i met ryan. i miss him
Been on a talk show/game show? no, only one me and maria made up when i was like 7, we flimed it. its funny.
Been in a fight? yea, she was chicken though and didnt fight back
Ridden in a fire truck? yea, with my uncle
Been on a plane? yea only a few times though
Come close to dying? im dying right now, but yes
Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? greg, lol he didnt believe that i could hold him.
Eaten a worm/mud pie? no
Swam in the ocean? yea just a few weeks ago actually
Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? yea screaming and sweating
- WHAT IS... -
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? who knows, i like my cds, if you dont thats your problem, fastball i would say, but they are good.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? ummmm nothing, i dont eat then
Your favorite thing for lunch? ummm nothing i dunno, pizza or yucky school food
Your favorite thing for dinner? microwave stuff
Your favorite Restaurant? tai pans, so yummy
- ARE YOU... -
A Vegetarian: No.
Good At Sports: the whole season in basketball i made one shot, a free throw, out of pure luck. so plain and simple no.
Good at wakeboarding/snowboarding: no
A Good Singer: no
A good Actor/Actress? no
A deep sleeper: yea
A Good Dancer: only when sean leads.
Shy: no, ill talk to anyone
Outgoing: sure.
A good storyteller: no
Last words: everything ends happy, if you arent happy, it isnt the end.

Kiss me

quizes [27 Dec 2003|09:04pm]
[ mood | curious ]

Congratulations! You're Merry!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

cool i love merry!

You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay...yumm, for all of you who remember my old sn "tasty rainbows"... that was so for skittles. rock on, taste the rainbow

Moon Mask
You control the ngiht. You are very lazy and all
you want to do is sleep and that is what your
job is

What mask should you wear?(new 19 outcomes with pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

well i agree except for the sleeping part... but i do love the night

Dead Fairy
Please Rate my quiz I worked really hard for this

Which Fairy are you?(for anyone many out comes)
brought to you by Quizilla

hmm not really me but ok

The backspace key! You are happy in life and you
will be happy enough to help anyone at all and
the backspace key helps a lot of people by
correcting thier mistakes.
Thank's for taking my quiz!

Which key on the keyboard are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

yay i use that key alot anyways

Kiss me

depressed [27 Dec 2003|06:59pm]
[ mood | unloved ]

why do i feel this way...couples make me sad...i hate people who are in love... i have jamie but i mean i dont love him... i havent said i love him.... i like him yea, but i wish i could find true love. i want someone who will hold me, who will tell me everything is ok... i want more then a boyfriend, i want a best friend, someone who i can talk to about anything, someone who can lay with me and look at the stars and just hold me. some one who knows everything about me, and still loves me. is this to much to ask for, will i ever find them, is there more then jsut one person, will i know love when i find it or will i be untrusting and hurt them just like i hurt everyone. i dont know if im to young, everyone says at 14 you are too young to love, but i want to love, it depresses me that i cant seem to trust anyone anymore, aside from my cousin my brother and my two best friends. other people dont seem to understand, it hurts to know im alone when everyone else has found someone. i know not everyone i know is in love with someone, but they all seem to be happy with out it. i cant seem to be happy with out it. i need it i crave it. i just want someone to love me. am i unloveable. am i unreachable. i need someone who i can talk to. i miss michael, not him just the way i trusted him, i dont want him back i want someone who treated me the way he did. sometimes i wonder if i should call him and atempt to be friends but i dont want to cause trouble again so i hold back. i just dont know what to do, i like sean again. he said we should be together online but he was just saying that to see my reaction. i dunno what i got so excited about, he is gay. we will only ever be friends. i just dont know what to do. i have no idea who to call to talk to this about, everyone who i have considered calling will say that it will be ok and with time i will find love. am i to eager? someone just help, just tell me what to do, please. please, just help me.

5 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

blah [27 Dec 2003|12:48am]
[ mood | useless, pointless ]

i dont know what to update about anymore... my life seems so...pointless, i feel used and i have no idea why. its got something to do with emily but i cant decide. i mean which side do i choose, do i make myself feel better and make it quit hurting or do i let myself keep hurting and let myself keep getting burned so shell be happy. i dont know i really just dont fucking know.

another thing with choosing side, my brother niquea and jess, this whole thing has gotten to be such a mess that i just dont know which side im on. i dont think i will have sides. i love jess and niquea and diffanately matt. but i think that they all did something wrong, but who am i to say whos fault this all is. i dont blame any of them. i dont know how to deal with everyone at the same time. with all the feelings getting hurt and what not it makes it so much harder.

then my family issues. do i keep the turst my parents have in me or do i take a stand and help out matt. i love matt but i think that he said the wrong thing at the wrong time. i know he wont take shit but he only has one year left with my parents and i still have four. i dont want to break the trust just yet, i dont want to let them in on what i have been doing, i dont want to take a stand and get in trouble like he did. i dont know where to turn someone please help.

sally spent the night last night, she spent the night tonight too. we are gonna head out for a smoke soon. possibly. hopefully.
things with jamie look good. i like him alot, i dont know if it is jsut the sweet things he says going to my head. michael did that to me, im a sucker for people who are sweet, most of them turn out to be ass holes. damn. hopefully he is nice. i havent got a reason not to trust him yet. hopefully i will always have reason to trust him.

i got new earings from icings. they are black and pink, very cheap..(if ya know what i mean) they were a gift, geesh people, what were you thinking.

well im off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of oz, give me some ruby slippers and take me away please.

Kiss me

me and emily [25 Dec 2003|10:56pm]
[ mood | pissed at emily ]

convo between me and emily. i just cant take this shit. im sorry everything is my fault. just hate me blame it on me tell everyone it was my fault and you can move on. ok? fuck the world.

FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: hi
oogiesboys1371: still think im a bitch*
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: no
oogiesboys1371: really? you change your mind fast
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: no its not that
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i just didnt mean it
oogiesboys1371: you said it twice
oogiesboys1371: must have meant something
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i was mad
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: u were assuming things
oogiesboys1371: and calling me a bitch helps
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i was upset
oogiesboys1371: what was i assuming that you didnt cae, cause all you ever say is ok. that doesnt make me feel like you care very much
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i dont kno wut else to say
oogiesboys1371: you could at least act like you care
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: but i dont kno wut to say
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i hate when people are sad and wut not
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i just cant think of wut to say
oogiesboys1371: i mean it seems like im your ex best friend and so it doesnt matter that im moving
oogiesboys1371: whoop dee do youll find another one
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: thats not
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: it
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: see ur assuming
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: and i HATE when people play these no one caressss games
oogiesboys1371: no im not im telling you exactly how i feel
oogiesboys1371: that how i feel ok
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: well im sry
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: because u kno people will care
oogiesboys1371: you make me feel like a piece of shit
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: u kno i will care and cry and be sad
oogiesboys1371: that no one wants
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: and u kno sally will
oogiesboys1371: like i dont matter
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: HOW how do i make u feel like that rachel
oogiesboys1371: that im here for your diposal
oogiesboys1371: when you need me im here but if i ever need anything god forbide you should spend time helping me
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: thats n0t it
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: will u stop assuming things
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: im sry i dont kno how to help people that well
oogiesboys1371: im not assuming
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: u are
oogiesboys1371: im telling you how you make me feel
oogiesboys1371: i dont assume the way i feel
oogiesboys1371: i know exactly how i feel
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: well im sry thats how u geel
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: cus its not tru
oogiesboys1371: it is true
oogiesboys1371: dont you see it
oogiesboys1371: i have let you tear me apart with you ditching me
oogiesboys1371: and im finally done
oogiesboys1371: so merry fucking christmas you just lost a friend
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: no
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i dont get it
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i dont ditch u
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i TRY and spend time with u
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: like last night i reallyy wanted u 2 come
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: but u didnt
oogiesboys1371: i couldnt
oogiesboys1371: my mom forgot perople were coming
oogiesboys1371: and that was once
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: so
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i dont understand why u think we shouldnt be friends
oogiesboys1371: you had the street fair the concert that night at chruch
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: concert?
oogiesboys1371: because you have ditched me and ive asked you to stop becuase it hurts like a bitch but you keep doing it and im done i dont need shit with my family and my friends
oogiesboys1371: the three days grace concert
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i have stoped
oogiesboys1371: no you havent
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i didnt feel good
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: so i didnt wanna go to the fuckin street fair
oogiesboys1371: you never feel good
oogiesboys1371: your always sick or something comes up or some one is more fun or more important
oogiesboys1371: its like im a last resort
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: w.e.
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i dont understand why u feel like that
oogiesboys1371: im telling you how you make me feel
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: since ur my fucking best friend
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: but w.e.
oogiesboys1371: you wouldnt do this to your best friend
oogiesboys1371: and i thought you didnt have a best friend
oogiesboys1371: twice you have told me tht
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i have 3 bf's
oogiesboys1371: and twice i have dealt with the pain of losing someone i trusted
oogiesboys1371: but i always trust you again
oogiesboys1371: and i always get burned
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: w.e. rachel
oogiesboys1371: well i dont enjoy the pain anymore. im sorry
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: somthing is wrong in ur life and ur taking it out on me
oogiesboys1371: i know i have hurt you too but im drawing the liner
oogiesboys1371: line
oogiesboys1371: no emily
oogiesboys1371: this cant be blamed on my life
oogiesboys1371: my christmas already sucks
oogiesboys1371: dont try to blame this on me
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: well this came outta nowhere
oogiesboys1371: its your fault too
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: and it aint my fault
oogiesboys1371: just because you believe in god doesnt make you perfect
oogiesboys1371: i said too mean also
oogiesboys1371: it didnt come out of nowhere
oogiesboys1371: you called me a bitch twice today and now im done trusting you
oogiesboys1371: im done trusting everyone but matt and sally
oogiesboys1371: but you blamed it on my life
oogiesboys1371: my like is fucked up yea i noticed but fucking everyth9ing isnt my fault
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i said ur taking somthing out on me
oogiesboys1371: somthing is wrong in ur life and ur taking it out on me
oogiesboys1371: in my life
oogiesboys1371: yea it is
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: w.e.
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i cant take this anymore
oogiesboys1371: and you dont know the half of what went on today and yesterday or how much it hurt
oogiesboys1371: but you dont cae
oogiesboys1371: care
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i do care
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: ur ASSUMING i dont
oogiesboys1371: so im going...if your ever sorry then call or something
oogiesboys1371: but im leaving because i have my best friend over
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i am sry
oogiesboys1371: bye
FuTuRe MaRiLyN03: i said i was sry


7 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

[25 Dec 2003|02:01pm]
[ mood | fucking crappy ]

hey....things suck...sorry ive been complaining so much latly. been watching movies all day and i talked to sean a little. i got a new sn... its oogiesboys1371. yay nightmare before christmas... we can live like jack and sally if we want to...sorry i love that song...anways.. i got two new beanies and two scarfs...yea and pants and two afi shirts. now i have three afi shirts and matt has two a total of five and im so happy. ladeda. matt is still down about jess which sadings me.... i guess only time will heal. sometimes i dont believe that. bridget and matt and niquea and greg and me were all over at my dads house the other day. me and niquea started a puzzle. we got all the edges sorted then nique had to leave..sad... oh well. that was the best part of this god forsaken holiday season. anyways ill see ya all later

1 Lipgloss letdown ** Kiss me

merry christmas [25 Dec 2003|11:30am]
[ mood | shitty ]

hey....not alot of presents. but that isnt why christmas sucks... mom and matt got into a huge fight. now matt is mad at my grandparents and everyone is all torn up. we might move to colorado. me and my mom that is. but who knows. i want to, i guess. it would be easier to get away from all the drama here. but i would miss a very select few people. mostly matt and sally and a few others like my dad and emily but my mom would work for an airline and i could come see people down here anytime i wanted to (well not ANYTIME but....) yea so christmas sucks, get rid of it.... i gotta go.
love rachel

2 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

so...anyways... [24 Dec 2003|09:36am]
[ mood | blank ]

yea so i have nothing to really say about disneyland, it was fun, i had fun, but i dont want to bore you with details. emily is over right now. my dog got me up at 5 so i walked her and she like pulled me all around the apartments and it was icky. i took a shower but now my hair is drying all weird like so i have to go put on new pants and put on eyeliner and yea redo my hair....ill update later....but im boring...so yea....

Kiss me

the last few days.... [23 Dec 2003|09:53pm]
[ mood | drained ]

the last few days have been like umm fun and shitty all at the same time. interesting....really.... i went to disney land with sally. interesting we had fun we met a guy named aaron from tucson...wow from here...wow....yea but he goes to howie and he is my friend toshas ex boyfriend and my friend monikas new boyfriend. he is really nice and we hung out with him all the second day... he kept running in to stuff and being funny. we bought alot of stuff and stuff... i feel sick....i want to throw up but i havent eaten since breakfeast. i ate some fries just now and i feel horrible... i got all my christmas shopping done and cali was so much fun. i swam in the ocean with sally and it was cool. we rode the roller coster 17 times. christmas is in two days and blah i have to work at the soup kitchen tomorrow and then it will be christmas eve which i am spending with emily at sals... blah...that will be fun... k i feel sick and sorry this wasnt detailed. i had planned for it to be but now i feel like shit
love rachel

Kiss me

yesterday [19 Dec 2003|11:11am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

yesterday was quite possibly the best day of my life, probably not the best but regardless i had alot of fun. first i went to school. fun i had to take a algebra test and my play was also going on so i went and got dressed for the play and did all my stuff with the little kids and then i went to take my algebra test then it was social studies and i didnt turn in a premisson slip to watch some dumb movie but tasha let us stay so i watched a movie about some guy and then i went to language arts where we were doing some thing on the salem witch trials. it was fun, but kinda boring cause we have been reading a book bout them so im kinda all salemed out. then it was lunch time and at lunch we had a huge crowd around us and i didnt want there to be but we were all giving presents, i gave carolina her beanie and nick gave me a cd and a necklace and glow in the dark toe socks! yay she is so nice...sally got a ring and a beanie and lip glosses. we were all pretty happy. emily gave me my present on wednesday, it was chesire cat socks and a best friends book. meh... i wish the socks were knee high. but whatever. anyways back to yesterday, at the dance which was after lunch, we had a deejay and he wazs playing like all rap and then one good charolette song then like 15 minutes of rap then an avril song then a slow song and when the dance was half way over he hadnt played one good song and so i was like come on sally lets go in room ten and listen to my cd so we went in there and betty was like yea you guys have to go to the dance and she forced us to go back so then we complained to the teachers that he wasnt playing a fair amount of our music and they talked to him but he stilled was playing all this rap and so i went and got a piece of paper and wrote down with rap we want rock and then got like a whole bunch of people to sign it and then i was carring it up to the dance part and adri comes up to me and tells me to fuck off that im always ruining their fun (she thinks she is the most popular person at our school) and i was like adri move, so then her little friends chris and manny come up and their like grabbing the poster and im like fuck off im pissed and not afraid to hit you so they backed up and then i went to sat in the middle of the floor and all these people came and sat down with me (more then i could have expected) and then patty is like you have to move people want to dance and i was like well i want good music so i moved and then i walked out side and charlie and nick were coming to comfort me and patty is like none of you have permission to leave so we started to walk back and she was like nichole and charlie get back inside and she was like whats the matter and so i told her and she was like he has been playing a varity just cause it all isnt your music you get mad maybe your problems come from you not him, and i started crying cause that wasnt it and i was stupid to think she understood so i went back inside and i talked to my friends and we decided something need to be done so we talked to tasha and then she talked to the deejay but and then he started to play more varity but adri ripped my poster up so nick went and got the pieces and me and sally walked up to adri and all hell broke lose she was yelling and we were yelling and THEN RIGHT AS TASHA WALKS UP she is like oh im sorry i shouldnt have done that and tasha took us outside and talked to us and we just said we were upset that everyone was gettin all p.o at us when we were expressing our feelings in a way that is ok. and they got all fucking pissed and once again patty said that me and sally were just looking for drama, but then all got better cause the deejay played better music and then we left. we went home and matt was home with greg, danny,sean, niquea, and lexy. lexy left after a bit and then greg made hamburgers and we all surprised my dad with dinner and then we went to this fort thing that greg and matt and some other people made. danny and sean left to go tape a tv show for dannys mom and then we all sat in the fort and talked then matt an greg played this game where you punch eachs others arms and matt won, i think, and then me and sally played and i won, only cause she hurt her hand. but then greg got on my back and he wa ssurprised that i could hold him up and then matt invited them all to go to the lord of the rings and so we went back to the house and mom said she didnt want to go so me and sally just had to get tickets so we did and we went to jessicas house before the movie for matt and jess talked or something, i played with jakeys hair and then we left. niquea drove part way to the movie but then we had to hurry so matt drove and i smoked alot all night and when we got to the theater we had to run and omg it was hard lol and then we sat in the front row and it was such a good movie after the movie we went back to jessicas and there was drama between him and jess and niquea so i talked to them all seperatly and matt and jess are broken up and niquea didnt feel welcome so me greg sally and niquea went to get food while matt and jess talked and apprently all grocey stores are closed at one and so we went to the gas station and we got chips and dip and soda. and then we drove home and ate inside then niquea and greg went home and then we woke matt up at 2 and we all went home. so i got home around 2:45ish and it was so cool. well that was my day enjoy

1 Lipgloss letdown ** Kiss me

my day [16 Dec 2003|10:19pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

my day was complete shit....until i got home
basically i woke up about two minutes before i had to leave for school so i threw my hair into pig tails and put on my make up and brushed my teeth and left. i almost forgot socks but, lucky me. i remembered. during school i had a horrible head ache that would not go away. it pissed me off. i didnt do my language arts homework and so i had to sit there and listen to patty bitching about how i need to finish it. BITCH i hung around after school and was getting into fights with boys they kept calling me a guy and i kept chasing them around and slapping them. its funny how they all run from me. but then i went into the bathroom with sals and was fixing my makeup and erica, one of the 8th graders from last year came in and we talked to her for a while. then we walked over to soul feathers and got free food which was totally awesome. i need to get her something for christmas *mumbles to self* then i caught the bus home and got home at about ummmm 5ish. sals hung with me for a bit and then her mom came and got her. my dad got home a little later and i was on the phone with jamie for a bit.....forgetting i had fucking minutes. he called me back after his phone died and we talked until nine. then he had to go and now im amusing myself with explaining my day to you so i can stay awake till one so i can call jamie and we can talk more. i think there is something wrong with my dog she has been peeing on the carpet and also she has been throwing up. im scared. i feel like she isnt getting enough attention or something and it is making her sick. she hasnt peed inside since like 2 years ago.... maybe ill start spending more quality time with her. haha....since i got off the phone i have taken a shower done my hair.... for bed yes i know it is silly. taken off my make up and thats about it. im starving but we have no food what so ever in this house and no one has been grocery shopping in like a year. maybe i will get matt to take me out to mcdonalds with his car later tonight. i have so much to do and i think i will be able to make it till one with out dying of boredom. hopefully anyways. well i gotta go paint my nails and get all my stuff ready for the play tomorrow. stupid fucking faerys and having to be pretty. hmm well i also gotta do laundry and home work and make a list of everyone (and animal) i still have to shop for. i dont have anytime left since ill be leaving for cali in like 4 days! jamie said on tuesday (not today DUH) he would come over and help me hang christmas lights. since i wont put up a tree he is making me do this instead. im happy i get to see him though. i doubt my dad will be up for us putting up christmas lights since he isnt very christmasy this year but if jamie does come over we could still hang out and stuff.
well i gotta go this is getting long and i still have alot to do before one! nighty night.

5 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

everything again..... [16 Dec 2003|08:01pm]
[ mood | confused ]

jamie is so nice. i forget i have minutes on my phone when i talk to him. i need to be better about that. he really entertains me though. i dont want him to get me anything for christmas. i dont know what to get him. im so bad at relationships. ok ok ok

me ane emily made up.... kinda she is going to the play and i am not mad at her and she isnt mad at me so i guess that we are not mad at each other. haha im a loser.

grades....grades are BAD i have an F in science and a C in algebra....and As and Bs in everything else i think! FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK this is bad. i am going to be grounded for life if an F is on my report card and i dont have time to bring it up so this sucks.

school sucks. we requested a meeting with all the teachers and they told us it was ok but they said they wont change their minds about anything so then the meeting is pointless.

whatever....i havent talked to matt about the pills and stuff. and jess i dont know if they are diet pills i dunno anything
i gotta go
love rachel

7 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

everything [16 Dec 2003|06:04pm]
[ mood | amused ]

emily is mad at me i dunno why she is the one who left me and im not even mad at her. just a little upset, but now she isnt going on wednesday and once again it will probably hurt my feelings. i told michael to stop telling me what i want because i know what i want and me and jamie are going out now. yay. i am not saying i love him because i dont, i hardly know him. so im getting to know him better and maybe eventually i might actually commit to saying it. but only once i feel it. i do like him though and i want to get to know him better. i think im gettin sick. i am on the phone with jamie and he is entertaining me. teehee. well i gotta go sorry so short ill update later.

3 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

kinda crappyness [14 Dec 2003|08:49pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

i said i wasnt mad and i wasnt mad. more hurt. that once again im left alone. my mom told me that i shouldnt expect much anymore so i dont, i expect nothing. if she wants to hang out ok if she wants to do stuff ok but i no longer expect her to do stuff with me. by lowering my expectations i am lowering my chances of getting hurt. i still went to the street fair and i got some presents. i got carolinas and i got my mom jen and my grandma half of theirs. i got my grandpa his present so he is taken care of. now i still have emily sally my dad my brother and half of jen my grandmas and my moms. then im done. i have to go sally is here

3 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

guys and stuff... [14 Dec 2003|12:00pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

yea emily is right. i do like this one guy and yes it is tearing me up inside. i dunno what to do cause i just dunno. forget it i thought i had giving up on guys but then no he comes along and poof its happened again. and yes i am worried about my brother. too much if you ask me. some of the things he is doing right now are so dumb! i wish i could talk to him and tell him i want him to stop with the pills and to tell him that i worry about him more than anything. this sucks because he is the one person i can trust with ANYTHING i can tell him everything and now im so worried about him and i cant say anything because i know he is having fun but i worry that he is killing himself while doing it. so now the one person i can talk to and tell everything to is making me worry the most. i hate caring about people. it makes life so much harder. i want to take away the tylonal and the diet pills and all the sutff he is taking and i want to hide it in a hole some place far away where noone will ever find them. but i cant, i wont. i love him to much for him to feel that hate he feels for my parents. i love him to much to control his life and i love him too much to have him even want to hurt me. i hate this feeling. and im being a hypocrite by wanting to take away his pills and his blades. because i got them taken away from me and i know how it feels. i just wish he would listen. but i wont control him i let him learn on his own. i guess im just mad that he is the only one who i have ever trusted and now he is killing himself. but i guess that is his descion.

anyways on to other stuff. i like this guy and since michael i havent liked guys. i havent felt "that way" about anyone and im not sure if i even feel "that way" about this guy but i enjoy talking to him and i enjoy being around him. and ahhhh maybe i just like him as a friend but if its only as a friend then why sm i so torn over this. i hate the feeling once again. i hate love. and im not in love with him. its to hard for me to love again, after all every time i love i get hurt. but i gotta go emily is leaving soon and i should get offline or something

14 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

back [13 Dec 2003|09:16pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

i went to winter haven and now im back. and i had fun. there was super hot guys who jen and em called me chicken for not talking to them so i talked to them and they were nice. and it was fun cause they were collecting money for the food bank and i got them five dollars! i was all asking people i didnt know if i could have money lol. it was fun. i got the new blink cd from em. tomorrow im going to the street fair and hopefully talking to jamie more. he is so nice. i am friends with amber again! yea so thats good. i think we are more just not hating each other. so thats all good... im talking to my band online right now. haha we are a poor excuse for a band. lol prolly cause we dont evem all have instruments. haha funny. today in the car on the way to winter haven i was super sad, my family is mean. they all make fun of me and what not. CANT THEY JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP. i am what i am. and they need to leave it at that. fuck them. anyways. ladeda emily wants to get back online so im going to go..............bye!

5 Lipgloss letdowns ** Kiss me

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